Saturday, December 08, 2007

How To Be A Good Democrat

Here is some Saturday morning humor. While viewing the KSL Channel 5 website, reading a report about how lame-duck Salt Lake Mayor Rocky Anderson once again shot from the lip and called Mitt Romney's "Faith In America" speech "disingenuous", I reviewed over 200 comments posted to the story. Most, gratifyingly, condemned Rocky. However, one comment, about 3/4ths of the way down the scroll, struck me as humorous (although if you are an official AKC-registered card-carrying, tree-hugging, Bambi-loving Democrat, you might not find it so funny). A poster identifying himself as Roy Rogers posted a comment entitled "How To Be A Good Democrat".

Mind you, I don't agree with all of them. For example, the neocon vision of a "winner take all" economy is not only cutthroat and predatory, but disenfranchises the working class. However, the default Democratic vision for this country, while not necessarily representative of most Alaska Democrats, still tends to be endemically socialist and antagonistic to family values and constitutionality.

Report Comment by Roy rogers @ 10:07am - Sat Dec 8th, 2007


1. You have to be against capital punishment, but support abortion on demand.

2. You have to believe that businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity.

3. You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding Americans are more of a threat than U.S. Nuclear weapons technology in the hands of Chinese and North Korean communists.

4. You have to believe that there was no art before Federal funding.

5. You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical documented changes in the earth's climate and more affected by soccer moms driving SUV's.

6. You have to believe that gender roles are artificial but being homosexual is natural.

7. You have to believe that the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal funding.

8. You have to believe that the same teacher who can't teach fourth graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.

9. You have to believe that hunters don't care about nature, but loony activists who have never been outside of San Francisco do.

10. You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.

11. You have to believe that Mel Gibson spent $25 million of his own money to make "The Passion of the Christ" for financial gain only.

12. You have to believe the NRA is bad because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.

13. You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.

14. You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, Thomas Edison, and A.G. Bell.

15. You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides are not.

16. You have to believe that Hillary Clinton is normal and is a very nice person.

17. You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried is because the right people haven't been in charge.

18. You have to believe conservatives telling the truth belong in jail, but a liar and a sex offender belonged in the White House.

19. You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag, transvestites, and bestiality should be constitutionally protected, and manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal.

20. You have to believe that illegal Democrat Party funding by the Chinese Government is somehow in the best interest to the United States .

21. You have to believe that this message is a part of a vast, right wing conspiracy.

22. You have to believe that it's okay to give Federal workers the day off on Christmas Day .........but it's not okay to say "Merry Christmas."

And here are a few of my own:

23. You have to believe that a bridge over the Knik Arm is pork, but a bridge over Utah Lake is progress.

24. You have to believe that white-on-black crime is racist, but black-on-white crime is "reparations".

25. You have to believe that parents can be held financially responsible for their kids' misdeeds, but their daughters can get abortions without parental permission.

26. You have to believe that David Duke is racist, but Jesse Jackson is "inclusive".

27. You have to believe that Anchorage Baptist Temple cannot have any property tax exemptions for the residences of their primary staff, but the Jewish "Cultural" Center can get an $850,000 grant from the state legislature.

28. You have to believe that a 3 percent pay raise for teachers is inflationary, but an 11 percent pay raise for the district superintendent is "deferred compensation" (yeah, I know that doesn't sound very "Democratic", but Democrats on the Anchorage School Board voted to give Carol Comeau that double-digit raise, so they must be held responsible).

Have some of your own? Use the comments section.


  1. You need some enlightening Mr. Loerbs! It was the local progressives that put their two cents in AGAINST the Lubavitch getting the land to build their synagogue and community center along with getting the money.
    I'd bet you it's the same bunch that has been screaming over the Anchorage Baptist Temple all these years.
    It would amaze me if you actually stuck to the facts but since you constantly try to hang every Jew on earth every time you post it's really hard for you not to lie, huh?
    Don't worry sweety that Jewish granny of yours sent enough blood down your way to get you hung too.

  2. Still spouting your KIKE rhetoric JOODAFT??? What do you JOO's know of facts? The HOLO- HOAX is a fact to you rats when it's been proven a lie. Just shut up for once in your life you copo rat from the ADL!!! From Anti-semite sam snicker, snicker, snicker!!!

  3. Still drinking like a fish, Sam?
    How is the liver?

  4. Representative democracy involves the selection of government officials by the people being represented.


    california dui

  5. Alaskans are fucking retards. Get Palin back over there to your wannabe USA. Go fuck a moose, you Northern Exposure watching faggots.